come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
