turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
