She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
