Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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