It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
