Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
