she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
