I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
