I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
what day is it and did you see me today?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
