You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
