i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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