Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
