i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
