Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
