My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
