Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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