haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize