Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize