You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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