I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
