Plan B is the new Plan A
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
