if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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