it was like his penis was on wheels.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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