Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
