listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
