i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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