I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize