If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
