I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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