ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize