I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
