Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Congratulations! We have a period
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