He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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