ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
