I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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