a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
