oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
