I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
