Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
