Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you never un-have a 4some
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
