he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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