Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
