I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
