btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
