please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
