I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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