After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
