Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
