i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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