When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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