At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
