UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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