dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
false alarm, still single
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
