guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
