I have demons in me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
