Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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