I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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