woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
