Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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