Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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