he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
