So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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