she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
