He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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