My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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