Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
