ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
