I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
