if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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