She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize