Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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