Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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