I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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