id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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