I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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