i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
