I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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